First of all, you might want to file this under “crazy-ass theories Rich comes up with when doing direct marketing work on the 5:30am train to NYC.”
In the past, I was known to say, “Dude, I WISH I was bisexual. That way, I could hook up whenever I wanted to.” This assumes that I was bi and single, of course.
I mean, if being gay was a “choice,” then all men would be gay. Or at least really, really, bi. After all, men are orgasm-centric. We can largely separate the emotional from the physical. Or at least we think we can. It might just be that we get overwhelmed by the Orgasmic Urge, and then feel terribly guilty about it. Feel free to write in on that one.
But my point is that if men could, by choice, find other men sexually attractive, don’t you think they would? That way, they could be, like: “Yo, Dave: want to jump out for a beer and a hand job?” Especially younger dudes, as opposed to 30-something guys like me who, um… have achieved perfect mental, spiritual, and physical balance.
Did you buy that last one? Stop giggling, dammit.
By the way: I’m not reducing homosexuality to sexual urges. I fully realize that gay and lesbian relationships are just as complex, dramatic, and stupid as heterosexual ones. I’m just talking about one facet, here.
Love to all. Even you, the bored-looking lady in the hot pink dress and 2-inch heels, anxiously waiting to exit Metro-North train.