Love to all. Even you.

Okay. This is my final “jackass cell phone user on the train” post. The reason she was especially annoying was that:

1. She cleaned her pores with seriously smelly chemicals, and then left the cotton pads on the seat in front of her.
2. She took up three seats with all her crap.

Love to all. Even you, the lady trying to annul her marriage, even though she has three grown children and was married for 25 years.

I realize that I have electronics, too. But my phone is on vibrate, I move to the doorway if I need to talk to someone, and dammit, I keep my computer close, and out of anyone’s way. Electronics can be used politely. I swear.

Right on the heels of my mini-epiphany about “how to love different people the right way” comes a dude who just rockets me right back to my character defects. Meet the ickiest train rider yet, completely displacing the previous June winner.

He was using a tablet computer, and every time he got to the bottom right of his screen, he was wacking the crap out of my arm. It wasn’t subtle. It was repeated, as if he were trying to move me off my seat. He also had a bag on the seat in front of him.. and had his feet on the seat, too. (We were in a two-facing-two seat arrangement).

So after whack number 20, the following conversation ensues:

Me: Excuse me, can you move your computer two inches to your left, every time you draw on part of your screen, you’re hitting me pretty hard.
Him: No.
Me: No?
Him: There’s no room to move an inch. This is the only way to do it.
Me: Wait. Are you fucking telling me that you’re going to keep hitting me?
Him: Yes.

I take out my Palm, put it in his face, take his picture, and say:

I’m posting your picture online as the biggest dick ever to ride a train.

I got up and moved to the doorway, and did crossword puzzles. Admittedly, this wasn’t my finest moment as a Christian, but damn, dudes… what a prick! AAAAAH! Maybe it’s something about me that attracts these kind of people.

Love to all. Even you, the lady who let her viscious dogs off lead.

I’ve gotten used to the email scams from people pretending to be eBay, Citibank, etc., claiming you need to login immediately in order to verify your account. But this is the first time I’ve gotten an eBay phishing scam as a pretend “Item not received” dispute.

I didn’t click. I did think about it for a second, because of the “What the hell is this?” instinct.

But, paranoid dude that I am, I checked the headers (and besides, you should always type the address in manually, never click an email link), and saw that, no, it didn’t come from ebay. Rather, it came from ip address 61.211.238.83.

Running a port scan on the offending computer reveals that it is associated with the hadano.tv domain, has a slew of open services, and is running Linux.

This phishing scam was better written, and a bit more sophisticated, than the run of the mill crap we’re all (hopefully) fully aware of.

Let the surfer beware.

Love to all. Even you, the kid who has an answer to everything, and then some.

Squipo asked:

Hey, hypothetically speaking, IF things with Maggie don’t get better, what will happen to your arm? Just curious… Does she also have your name tattoed on her chest?

Answer 1: When I got the Maggie tattoo done, the artist pointed out to me that there’s room underneath to write in fairly large letters, right underneath “Maggie”, the word “LEFT.” Besides, any woman who was willing to bear three kids for me deserves her name tattooed on my body regardless of any current or future status.

Answer 2: When I told Maggie I was going to get her name tattooed on my arm, she said “That’s really sweet, but I will never, ever do that for you.”

And that’s the scoop.

Love to all. Even you, the dude with the bad, bad cough who was hanging out in the doorway of Whole Foods.