Love to all. Even you.

For those of you keeping score, I just finished my first work week on 40mg of Adderall XR. And I finished it a tad early, because it’s snowing like crazy where I live, so I want to get home while the roads are still passable. I’m actually leaving the Miata at the train station… Maggie is picking me up in the 4wd.

So: what’s interesting about this medicine is, first of all, how much it’s taught me about the LAST medicine. When I first started Adderall (fast release), I became a smile-free superman, handling every task, folding every piece of laundry, cleaning every part of my office.

And when that effect starting wearing off, I thought the medicine wasn’t working anymore.

Now I know differently.

Adderall XR is much more subtle. I don’t feel RADICALLY different, yet I’m able to work at my desk for a couple of hours at a time. I am forgetting to eat, though. Have to work on that.

The thing is, I think THIS is what Adderall (fast) was supposed to do in the first place…. not the Superman thing. I wish that my doc had given me a little more experiential advice.

Anyway. VERY interesting evening with my son tonight. I’ll write about that later.

Love to all. Even you, the irritable woman who gets mad when other women are irritable.

When nations are under a strong dictatorship, there’s often little civil unrest. Frequently, it’s when people are given a taste of freedom that things get crazy.

When an alcoholic quits drinking, s/he often panics. NOT because things have suddenly gotten worse, but rather because they can see, without an alcohol- or hangover- induced haze, just what the situation actually is.

And me: having started treating my ADHD again, I can see the depth and breadth of the things I need to accomplish more clearly, and the sheer LENGTH of my to-do list is scaring the crap out of me.

Change for the good is scary.

Love to all. Even you, the CFO who keeps semi-committing.

My oldest smacked my Miata with a large metal shovel. It was an accident. It made a big scratch in the left front quarterpanel. But the Miata didn’t feel anything: it was dead anyway.

When I got home last night, my car was still dead.

My oldest and I pushed it into the street, Maggie got in, we started it rolling down the big hill, got the hell out of the way, and watched Maggie pop-start it.

All’s well that ends well, I guess.

I didn’t mention that yesterday was my first day on 40mg of Adderall XR (I’d been ramping up from 20). It’s a completely different experience than Adderall “regular.” It’s WAY less intense, with none of that “superman” crap that I experienced last year. It’s definitely helping me to focus, but is definitely not making me all serious all the time. Day two starts in about half an hour. Haven’t taken it yet.

Maggie approves, which is huge… and which is different than last time.

I missed a cell call yesterday with “no caller id.” When Maggie calls, it’s “blocked,” so it wasn’t her. I immediately thought that it was my parents, and my heart sank and soared at the site. Of course, I actually have no idea who it was. They didn’t leave a message.

One day at a time, I’ll accept this whole situation.

Again, thanks for all the comments. They mean a lot.

Love to all. Even you, the dude who coughs into his newspaper, which angles it into my face.

From my parents:

As a prerequisite to consideration of your offers, Maggie must first create, sign, and provide to us a document retracting pointedly, unequivocally, in its entirety, and to our satisfaction the complaint she filed with the [local] Police Department – of which we have a copy. She must then submit that document at the appropriate level to the [local] police, and provide to us verifiable proof that she has done so. Then, and only then, will we consider the offers contained in your email copied below.

No introduction, no signature.

This is in response to:

Dear Mom and Dad,

I’m writing to tell you that I’m truly sorry for all that has happened. We all miss you, and that if there’s anyway to move past this, we would like to. I am more than willing to simply start anew.

I’ve been thinking about this for a while, now, but it was really a conversation I had with [my son] this morning (before hockey league tryouts!) that cemented the timing. He’s a super-awesome 10-year-old boy, and I want you to be in his, and our lives.

And, with equal importance, I want him to be in YOUR lives.

I don’t want you to miss out on a kid like this. (And the rest of ‘em are pretty terrific, too!)

You are totally welcome to call me at xxx-xxx-xxxx if you would like to talk (my cell), or, during the week, at xxx-xxx-xxxx (my office).

I have the Atlanta Marathon in two weeks, but if you wanted me (or me n’ [my son]) to fly out for a weekend in April, I’m sure we could figure that out.

I hope this note finds you well and happy. And warm!

Love,

Rich

Words just fail me. I mean, forget the fact that Maggie actually STOPPED the police from arresting my father after they read the frightening and threatening letters and faxes he was sending… the fact that I haven’t spoken to them since 2003, and that they are putting this weird power trip /prove yourselve to us/ revenge thing ahead of having a relationship with their Grandchildren…

…it’s just sick, sick, sick. It’s sick. And it’s ONLY remembering that he is ill that prevents me from being truly angry.

Love to all. Even you, Dad.